


I Will Hold You in the Depths of Your Despair

by GalaxyKitty



Series: I'm With You In The Dark [2]
Category: Janti - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Anti is back with more hugs, Anxiety, Comfort, Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Loneliness, M/M, Nightmares, Reassurances, Self-Doubt, Soft Kisses, Symbolism, Teddy Bears, cuddly janti times, hey look Dark is here, its still a comfort story, phantoms, punch the evil thoughts in the face!!, this story taught me what a fig was, those thoughts that are mean
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-02
Packaged: 2019-10-21 03:35:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,762
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17635268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyKitty/pseuds/GalaxyKitty
Summary: He doesn’t remember what the dreams are about, not really. There was always something that woke him up, though, something that got to him.Something that hurt.





	I Will Hold You in the Depths of Your Despair

**Author's Note:**

> Please do take note of the tags and as always be careful if you are sensitive to this type of content! I want everyone to be okay!
> 
> Part of this story is about doubts, but it’s also inspired by something I used to do as a little kid. When I was little and afraid of the dark, I would be afraid of those dark figures in the corners, you know those dark creatures that lots of kids imagine in their room, so I would imagine someone else was there to fight the darkness; I wouldn’t be alone.

_-because you’re not good enough._

Jack woke up suddenly, eyes wide open with a bitter taste in his mouth. He felt a tear slide down his face, creating a line on his cheek before it dropped onto the pillow underneath him. He wiped his eyes, turning to the side to find his phone as he checked the time. He found it wasn’t too early and the smell of coffee in the air confirmed his thoughts.

He sat up and got out of bed, walking over to the bathroom to see his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired, eyes still a little glossy, and he sighed. He doesn’t remember what the dreams are about, not really. There was always something that woke him up, though, something that got to him.

Something that hurt.

He shook the thoughts from his mind and splashed some water on his face to try to wake himself up and make himself look less like he woke up crying. He continued with his morning routine after that and made his way to the kitchen, finding a cup of coffee already sitting out for him. He found Anti in the living room watching something on t.v., his own coffee in hand. Ever since the being had comforted him that day after the accidental phone call, he’s been staying more with the brunet. Jack didn’t mind, rather he liked having someone else here with him. He was comforted by the thought that someone was there. The old bedrooms were still there from when all the egos lived together, so Jack assumed that’s where Anti was staying at, either that or whatever it was he did with technology. The brunet was still certain Anti slept in his computer before.

Anti has been a lot more tame than he usually was before as well. He used to be the one to cause problems, teasing the others and causing a mess, always showing some type of demeanor like he didn’t care, but now he was… calm. Jack wasn’t sure if it was because the others weren’t here (though that hasn’t stopped him in the past) or if it was because of that other day, but here he was, quietly watching t.v. after he made coffee for the two of them. Sure, he was still stubborn and sometimes went off to do his own thing, but it was definitely different.

Sometimes they would sit together on the couch, blanket over the two of them, and they’d watch a movie together like before. The green-haired being would never say anything, but he would make subtle gestures or movements to comfort him; a silent reassurance.

At least that’s what Jack wanted to think it was.

His break had ended as well and he was back to making videos once more, seeing his fans welcoming him back on social media and in the comments. His friends also sent messages, some asking how he was and others talking about something that happened while he was away. It was nice to talk to them again, sometimes calling in a voice chat and laughing aloud together.

Yet he felt an ache in his chest.

But one of his friends’ voices brought his attention away from it as they suggested a fun little game the group could play together and mess around in. He responded with a confident acceptance, challenging them while saying he could beat them all.

He just needed to goof off with his friends and relax, that’s all.

 

 

_-too nice to tell you how you’re a bother-_

Jack woke up and heard as a whimper escaped from his throat. He felt that same ache in his chest, something now filled with a type of sorrow, and the familiar drops of tears hit the pillow once more. He shut his eyes with a frown, wiping away the tears as he tried to recollect his dream, but he couldn’t remember what it was about. He only remembered it hurt.

He grabbed his phone and squinted at the light from the screen as he checked the time. It was too early for there to be coffee this time, too early for him to want to get up as well, so he stayed and bed and stared at the phone.

It’d be nice to talk to someone about this. Maybe one of his friends would know what to do, or maybe they could offer kind words, maybe one of them has dealt with this before even. He went to his messages but hesitated, seeing his most recent conversations sitting on the screen. He hummed and closed the messages, instead checking an app that showed who was online, only to pause again. What was he going to say? Who was he supposed to message in the first place? Time zones are always an odd thing as well. He doesn’t want to burden anyone with this…

He closed the tab and set his phone back down, turning to look up at the ceiling as he let out a puff of air. He was probably being overdramatic or something, it’s not like it’s affecting him… too much at least. He can figure this out on his own, he’s dealt with things like this before.

He closed his eyes and took even breaths, trying to relax his mind so he could go to sleep again as it was still early and he could use the extra hours of rest. He turned to one side, repositioning the pillow, then turned to the other. He stuck his feet out from the end of the blanket, moved them back, laid his arms out to the side, grabbed a pillow to hug it, put the pillow back, turned onto his stomach, then returned to lay on his back. He opened his eyes to glare at the ceiling. He was tired, he could feel his mind wanting rest, but he wasn’t able to get back into that dozy state that lulled him to sleep.

He checked the time once more, light still too bright for the dark room, and groaned when he found he had wasted over an hour of time not sleeping. He set the phone down once again as he yawned, trying to think of what to do. He remembered reading once that a person would go to sleep if they stayed still for fifteen minutes or so and decided to try that. However, he would only be able to lay for a few minutes before he wasn’t comfortable anymore and had to move. He’d tell himself that his new spot was better and _now_ he wouldn’t move, but there was no such luck.

He wasn’t surprised when he opened his eyes later to find his room wasn’t as dark anymore, signaling that the sun was beginning to rise, and he wasn’t able to get any more rest. He yawned once more as he sat up, his mind telling him that he needed to sleep still, but he got up anyway to follow his usual routine as always. One missed night of rest isn’t too bad and it’s not uncommon for that to happen to people either.

He stumbled over to the living room feeling groggy and Anti gave him an odd look, though he didn’t say anything. The brunet found the cup of coffee made for him resting on the side table by the couch and he sat down himself, picking up the cup and taking a small sip. He made a quiet hum as he set it back down to the side, though. It was a fine cup of coffee… he just wasn’t feeling up to drinking it this morning. The being was watching and joined him on the couch, grabbing the soft grey blanket they used and wrapped it around the brunet. Jack felt himself get pulled against the other, head resting against his shoulder, and he instinctively closed his eyes. He heard Anti murmured something but his mind was already zoning out, finding comfort in the position that was starting to become familiar. He tried to think about his plans for the day; he’d have to record and he wanted to look into some things, maybe talk to Henrik again, but his mind only drifted off as he felt his breathing ease. There was a hand running through his hair lightly but he only barely recognized it. He didn’t realize how tired he was.

There wasn’t anything playing on the t.v. this time, leaving the two of them in silence, and the brunet decided he could spare a few minutes relaxing. It was nice. He just needed to relax…

 

 

Jack woke up with a soft grumble, lifting his head up as his muscles felt stiff from the unusual sleeping position. He rubbed his eyes with one of his hands as he held back a yawn and tried to wake up fully. He looked up to see Anti watching him with a small frown, something that looked like concern, and the brunet mirrored the look.

“What time ‘s it?” Jack decided to ask as he sat up more, blanket falling from his shoulders as a yawn managed to escape.

“Afternoon.” Anti responded, though the frown didn’t change.

“After… what?” Jack felt his eyes widen as he turned around and grabbed his phone he had sitting on the side table, turning the screen on to see that it indeed was well into the afternoon. “Oh shit, I had recordings I needed to get to today and then there were edits to look over and…” He grumbled to himself and turned back around to glance at the other only to pause as the being put a hand on his forehead.

“You didn’t sleep last night.” He murmured, sounding more like a statement rather than a question.

“’M fine.” The brunet sighed and the being moved his hand away.

“You need to eat.”

“What?” Jack paused once more as he realized that he actually was hungry, which made sense seeing as he hasn’t eaten all day.

“Eat.”

“I have work to do, I can’t allow myself to fall behind.” He protested anyway.

He was proud of his updating schedule; he liked having a regular line up and it was a way to keep a sense of order in his life. He was proud of his work and he wasn’t going to let himself lose that.

“I can go over the edits. You need to eat.”

“What? How do you know what to do?”

Anti lowered his eyebrows as he stared with an unamused look.

Ah… right… Anti is the techy ego.

“Fine, just… don’t make a mess of anything.” Jack sighed as he rubbed the side of his face, reluctantly getting up to make his way over to the kitchen.

He heard Anti make a sound of acknowledgement before he disappeared himself, heading to the recording room where everything was set up. Jack leaned against the counter of the kitchen and looked around the room, glancing at the fridge and cupboards. He didn’t want to make something too complex, he just wanted something simple, and remembered he had a bag of fries in the freezer. Everything was slow, mind not focusing too much as the oven preheated until it was hot enough to set the tray of fries in it. While he waited for that, he looked around for something else and started snacking on what he found, sitting on the kitchen floor as he looked up at the oven. He zoned out, taking bites of his snack without thinking too much about it, and was startled when the oven beeped signaling it was done.

He was back on the couch when he ate, looking forward at the blank t.v. as he thought. Okay, he had videos made in advance in case something were to happen, so he would be fine today, but he’d have to make up for it tomorrow. Maybe he could start some of it today? He slept for most of the day so he won’t be going back to sleep right away. Then he wondered how Anti was doing. He ate slowly, thinking about it more, and hesitantly got up to clean up the mess after he was done before he went to check on the other.

He saw the door to the recording room was slightly open and quietly pushed it open all the way as he stepped inside. He saw the being sitting in his chair, watching the screen, and a hand was on the computer. The screen was flickering a bit, glitching with the being’s energy, but stopped once the being removed his hand and turned to glance at the brunet.

Jack pursed his lips and got down on his knees to be eyelevel with the monitor as he leaned against the desk. Grabbing the mouse, he clicked through some of the edits that were open and watched them play, humming a bit in surprise as he noticed some of the changes that Anti made. They weren’t bad, in fact, some of them were surprisingly nice.

He just wasn’t used to Anti doing things to help him.

“I checked the videos you have queued. You’re fine; you have time to take a break.”

“I have videos queued up because I make them in advance, if I stop making them now, then I wouldn’t have videos like this in the first place.”

“Jack.” Anti said more sternly. “You’re being paranoid. Relax.”

“I…” The brunet tried to protest but only sighed in defeat, not knowing what to say.

“Relax. Take a bath.”

“What?” Jack said, not expecting that as he knit his eyebrows together.

When the green-haired being didn’t say anything else, eyeing the human with that same firm expression, he realized the being wasn’t joking and sighed once more.

“Fine… alright.” He said as he gave in, standing up to leave the room and find the bathroom to start a bath.

It was quiet once more as he lazed in the warm water, feeling his muscles ease as he sank lower into the tub until only his nose and up were above the surface. He started to hum a soft tune, amusing himself with the odd sounds that it made with the water, and felt his mind start to slow down.

Maybe he _was_ being paranoid.

He swirled his hand around under the water, watching small ripples and whirlpools form, and let his mind wander. He didn’t think of anything troubling or heavy, didn’t think about work, he just wanted to keep things light. It was nice, finding there was a difference between a physical break and a mental break.

He glanced at a shampoo bottle sitting on the side of the tub and read the label to pass the time, finding that it was made with figs and sunflowers. What exactly is a fig, though? Is that what figgy pudding is made of? But then why do all the people sing so highly of it during the Christmas season? He understands why there would be sunflowers, flowers are a nice scent to add to shampoo, but why figs? Why not something more well-known like vanilla or oranges. He doesn’t think he’s ever met someone who didn’t appreciate the pleasant scent of a freshly peeled orange before. He remembers one time he was in a room full of people, one of them peeled an orange, and almost everyone in the room turned their heads to find who it was as they commented about the scent.

Then he stuck his toes out at the end of the tub, wiggling them just above the surface as he wondered what it would be like to be a merperson. Would they really be fascinated with toes? Well, it’d make sense seeing as they wouldn’t know what toes are.

Like figs. He needs to find a fig next time he goes shopping for groceries.

His thoughts continued on like that during the rest of the bath, random and carefree, but it really did help him loosen up. He reluctantly got out after the water lost its warmth and put on fluffy pajamas to try to keep some of the comfort. He left his bedroom after that to head over to his studio so he could check the other edits and see what he could plan, but he found Anti leaning against the wall between him and the room with his arms crossed in front of him.

The two of them stood in silence for a bit, watching one another in a silent conversation, then the brunet sighed.

“Let me guess, you’re not going to let me in there, huh.” Jack hummed.

Anti quirked an eyebrow up and shook his head.

“You need to go to sleep.”

Jack grumbled to himself and lifted a hand to rub his forehead. Anti was giving him orders again.

“You need to sleep otherwise you’re sleep schedule will get messed up and you won’t be able to get back to your regular recording schedule.”

Oh… he’s being reasonable again. It’s weird for Anti to be like this.

“Alright, fine, you win… again.” The brunet murmured and he turned around to shuffle back to his room.

He went to sleep, and for a few days, everything was a little okay.

 

 

_You just keep making mistakes, always messing up-_

Jack jolted himself awake, body tingling with a strange sense of panic from the lingering nightmare coursing through his mind, and lifted his head up just to see the familiarity of his room. When his eyes adjusted from his initial alarm, though, he saw a figure standing in his room surrounded by the darkness almost looming over him, form flickering like black flames.

And he screamed.

Almost immediately Anti glitched into the room, holding one of his knives, but as soon as he appeared, the shadowy figure vanished. His eyes darted around the room, trying to figure out what caused Jack’s outburst, but when he found nothing, he turned to the brunet with a frown, confused but still on edge.

“What’s wrong? What happened?” He asked a bit hurriedly, stepping over towards the bed to check if Jack himself was alright.

The brunet felt his heart racing and the sight of an intruder in his room was making his fear from the nightmares that much worse. For a moment he thought the stranger was going to hurt him… maybe even-

“A guy… there was a guy.” Jack managed to get out, feeling himself start to breathe too quickly for his liking as he felt his eyes sting with unshed tears. “Someone was in my… my room.”

Anti turned around again, checking Jack’s room as if the intruder was still there, hiding, but there was no sign of anyone else.

“I swear I’m not lying!” Jack felt himself starting to panic again, sitting up straight and fearing that Anti would think he was imagining things, only making him feel even worse about it.

The green-haired being shook his head and put his free hand on Jack’s shoulder as his face softened.

“No, no, I believe you…” He trailed off and looked to the side as he thought about what to do.

He grabbed Jack’s hand and pulled him out of bed on unsteady feet, glancing around the room for a final time as he rubbed his thumb against the brunet’s hand.

“Stay close.” The being then said before he started leading the two of them through the house.

It was quiet, their footsteps only barely making a sound as they carefully went from room to room. They didn’t turn on any lights, and though Jack’s eyes were still adjusting to darkness, he guessed the being didn’t have that problem. Anti would quietly peek into each room first, knife in front of him defensively while he kept Jack behind him. The brunet looked down at their hands and briefly thought about how the being told him to stay close yet didn’t let go, so he wouldn’t be able to get very far in the first place.

They checked all the rooms, not finding anything out of place, and all the windows and doors were properly locked as well. Anti led them back into the studio to turn on one of the computers as he tapped into the camera footage they had around the house. When all of the egos were living together at the house, one of them convinced him to set up cameras by the front door and driveway, and he kept them up ever since. The green-haired being played through the video, screen flickering and glitching too quickly for Jack to see anything, but Anti just huffed and leaned back after the video ended. His knife glitched and disappeared after he turned off the computer and he turned to face the brunet with a small frown.

“There’s no one here.” He said quietly. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve noticed if some normal person snuck in, too.”

 _Normal_ person. Jack hadn’t thought about it before, but what if someone like Anti had been in his room, someone not human. It seemed that the being caught on to his thoughts and quickly tried to calm him down.

“Jack, it’s okay, it’s very unlikely that someone like that would try to sneak in here, especially since I’ve been around.”

Anti kept a hold on the brunet’s hand as he led them back to the bedroom, though Jack found himself staring at the floor as he tried to figure out what that last bit meant. They walked into the room and only after Jack was standing next to the bed once more did the being finally let go. He sat on the bed, lifting the blanket to rest over his legs, and watched as the being propped a pillow against the wall at the foot of the bed before sitting down himself. It was still late at night, a few hours left until sunrise, and the being settled himself back against the pillow as he crossed his arms.

“Go back to sleep… I’ll be here in case they come back.”

Jack blinked, not sure exactly how to respond and he was still thinking about earlier. He moved his own pillow to the side, laying down completely as he positioned himself so he could face the being.

“Do you…” he started and fiddled with the blanket with one of his hands. “Do you mess with the house or somethin’?”

Anti’s eyes turned to look at him in a sideways glance, the green color faintly visible in the room.

“We are… I wouldn’t say ‘territorial’, but we are aware of the presence of others and we usually don’t like to involve ourselves in unnecessary trouble. If this was something like a burglary, they’d have a hell of an easier time just pickin’ some place with normal humans rather than a place with someone like me.” The being responded in a low voice.

That made sense and Jack hummed an acknowledgement as he stretched a bit under the covers to make himself comfortable. He was going to leave it at that, not expecting any further explanation-

“And I wouldn’t let any of them touch you.”

Jack’s eyes widened a bit at that, looking back up at the being to see a second of what looked like possessiveness before the being closed his eyes and turned his head to the other side. The brunet quickly adverted his own gaze, staring at the wall by his bed, and tried to ease the sudden jump in his heart rate.

 

 

Whoever was in his room that night didn’t return. Jack woke up to see Anti in the same spot at the foot of his bed reading something on his own phone. The brunet sat up and rubbed his eyes, asking what had happened, and the being shrugged and said that everything was normal. He asked Jack about how he slept and as he thought about it, he realized it was a dreamless night. No nightmares, though there wasn’t anything else either.

They left the room together and the being made coffee as usual, and for a moment, it seemed like everything was just the same as it always was, almost as if last night didn’t even happen. Had he really imagined that? It was dark… and it was right after he woke up from a nightmare. It’d make sense if his mind wasn’t exactly in the right place. But even so, he was still worried about it when night had fallen and he sat alone on his bed. He had the small lamp by his bed turned on and he was daydreaming about a game he played for a while until he saw Anti walk into his room from the corner of his eye. He didn’t move and felt the bed dip as the being sat at the end of it once more, probably guessing Jack wasn’t going to sleep soon since the little light was on.

“You shouldn’t worry about it.” The being hummed and Jack stayed silent.

Even if that… whoever it was didn’t return, he still didn’t have the greatest time sleeping because of the nightmares.

“You want me to stay in here again?” The being continued and the brunet thought for a moment before murmuring a soft yes.

He felt the being put a hand on his ankle over the blanket, swaying it slightly, but the small feeling of it made him feel better. Anti was here. He never thought he’d be relieved to have the being with him but… it was nice.

He finally reached up to turn off the light, covering the room in darkness as he closed his eyes and felt sleep come easier than before.

He had another dreamless night but he stayed asleep the entire time. Anti told him that nothing happened during the night once more, everything quiet and normal as usual, and the brunet sighed. If Anti said everything was alright, then he should relax.

It’ll be okay.

He got back to work in his studio, recording videos and smiling widely at the games. It helped to smile, to have fun and not be constantly worried over something. His friends messaged him again and this time they spent an easygoing afternoon playing Pictionary using the mouse while they talked. Mark gushed about his dogs, as always, and Jack teased him about it with a laugh.

When the game was done, he left the studio with a grin and did a little spin as he stepped into the living room. He found Anti sitting on the counter in the kitchen, twirling one of his knives as he dangled his feet over the edge.

“Are you gonna make dinner?” The brunet guessed, walking over to the kitchen expecting to see something going on.

“Nope.”

And sure enough, there wasn’t anything happening in the kitchen.

“Do I have to make something for dinner?”

The being stopped twirling the knife, eyes glancing over at him with a serious expression, then-

“Yep.”

Jack could tell it was lighthearted, the being was messing around, even if it was only two words, and the brunet felt himself chuckle softly. He started making dinner himself, getting out ingredients, and the being stayed in his spot. Neither of them talked, it was another quiet evening, but the brunet felt a sense of serenity in the air. It was nice to have someone with him, even if they didn’t speak, especially while he was doing something like cooking. Just knowing that someone was there was enough.

But of course Anti had to be Anti and started messing around. The food almost burned. Twice. And Anti would show off a bit with one of his knives, resulting in the food appearing to be cooked by Wolverine if he only used his claws, but Jack couldn’t find it in himself to be upset. In all honestly, he was having fun with it, even if there was a bigger mess in the kitchen because of it. By the time he was done cooking and he ate, Anti was laying on his back on the counter with a smirk, feet propped up while his hands were behind his head.

“Dude, you gotta cool it with the knives.” Jack huffed, looking around the kitchen and questioning how Anti made this much of a mess when he wasn’t even the one cooking.

“Mm… but it’s what I do.” The being shrugged and Jack sighed.

“Well, what you do is dangerous… and in this case messy.”

“You think this is messy?” He replied and quirked an eyebrow up, head turning to the side.

“You _don’t?_ Dude, I don’t even wanna know.” Jack groaned and threw his hands up in defeat. “Well if this ain’t messy to you, then you won’t have any problem cleanin’ it up now, huh?”

Anti’s loose smile immediately fell, replacing it with a partly open-lipped frown as he pushed himself up with one of his hands.

“’Cause I’m gonna go take a shower since I think you somehow got something in my hair.”

The being grumbled to himself and fell back onto the counter, rolling his eyes, but Jack took that as an answer as he left to the bathroom to start the shower. As he was left alone with his shower thoughts, he found that he was more content. Today was a good day; he woke up without nightmares, had a good day of recording, had a nice time with his friends, and surprisingly had an amusing evening with Anti. 

The warm water felt nice against his skin and he spent a few minutes just to stand underneath it, wondering what would happen if he fell asleep in the shower. He felt his mind dozing off a bit and decided he should probably get out, though. He got dressed in another comfortable pair of pajamas and for a moment he thought about going back to the kitchen to see if Anti actually cleaned up a little, but he looked to his bed and thought it’d be better for him to get some rest. He was already tired; maybe he could get back to his normal sleeping habits. He was a little hopeful.

With a soft sigh, the brunet lifted up the covers and climbed into bed. Anti wasn’t in the room with him this time, but it should be fine.

 

 

_-but you’ll mess up again and make things worse-_

Jack woke up feeling a weight in his chest, uncomfortable and heavy, and sat up quickly. His mind was thrumming, the damn nightmares returning, but when he looked up at the rest of his room, he saw two figures watching him. He yelled once more, eyes darting between the two of them as he quickly grabbed his phone with a shaky hand.

Anti glitched into the room just like before, knife in hand, but this time the figures didn’t disappear. The being growled and Jack barely had a second to register what had happened before the being swiped at the figures with his knife, watching as the figures dissipated like a fire running out of fuel. There was no blood, no bodies, no voices. They were like ghosts.

Anti backed up to stand against the bed, back towards the brunet, and he watched the room, waiting to see if any more of the creatures would appear. As soon as it looked like nothing else would happen, he turned around and faced the brunet, knife gone as he gave the other a worried look.

“Are you okay?”

“Wh-what the hell was that?!” Jack asked, feeling himself shaking more now that he knew for certain there was something in his room.

The being frowned, eyes looking down as he moved to sit next to the brunet on the bed.

“Those were phantoms…”

“W-what?!”

“Jack.” The being said more firmly, taking each of the human’s hands in his own. “They aren’t real.”

“They aren’t real?! How the hell can they not be real when we just-“

“You make them real.” Anti cut him off, looking straight into the other’s eyes as he tried to explain it. “Phantoms are created when a person gives them the power to.”

“This doesn’t make any sense, I don’t understand, I…”

Anti hummed sadly and leaned forward to rest their foreheads together, bringing a hand up to brush a thumb against the human’s cheek.

“Jack, I won’t let them hurt you.”

Jack didn’t realize he was crying as the being wiped away his tears, murmuring quiet words of comfort. Anti explained the situation carefully, voice low as he got the brunet to calm down.

Jack knew he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after this and tried to steady his breathing, listening to the other as he tried to understand.

“I’ve heard about phantoms before; once we figure out what’s causing them, we can get them to stop.” Anti said.

“Do you know how to do that…?”

Anti leaned back and removed his hand, turning his head to stare at the other side of the room with a frown.

“Phantoms aren’t… really my specialty. I don’t really deal with shadows and beings like this… and phantoms are more linked with mental stuff…”

“So you don’t know what to do?”

“No.” Anti grumbled and he pursed his lips. “But I know someone who does.”

Anti left it at that and instead suggested that the two of them go out to the living room to watch a movie there. Jack decided not to ask about it and followed the being out to the couch, seeing the blanket draped over the back and found a sense of reassurance at the familiar object. They set the tv to play quietly, wanting to keep an aura of peacefulness around them, and the being wrapped the blanket around his shoulders and held him closely like always.

Jack was afraid. He really was. But having Anti there with him, arm around his shoulders after he had protected the brunet from those phantoms… Jack felt safe.

They stayed up for about an hour, watching the movie on and off as commercials kept interrupting them, but during one of the commercial breaks Jack had closed his eyes and kept them closed. Even if he was scared, he was also tired, and the past few days of scattered sleep wasn’t helping him. But Anti was there… he would be okay.

 

 

Jack woke up early next morning on the couch with Anti, but after breakfast the being had disappeared off somewhere. The brunet didn’t think much of it at first and got to work as usual, but as the hours passed by and it got closer to night, he felt himself start to worry. What if those phantoms came back and Anti wasn’t here? He didn’t want to be alone.

He caught himself clutching onto his phone tighter than he should have a few times and tried to relax. He would subconsciously bring up Anti’s contact, staring at the name as his mind ran through various scenarios that could happen if he sent a text or called or waited or _something_. He was sitting in the living room, mind too afraid to go to his bedroom, especially since it was now dark outside. He had the lights on, tv playing to distract himself as he sat on his spot on the couch. It almost felt like how it was before. Before Anti was there. Before he called Henrik the first time. Alone. On this couch in the corner left with only his thoughts plaguing his mind.

He ducked his head down under his arms, pulling his knees up as he peeked up at the tv in an attempt to get his mind to focus on that instead of his thoughts. He let out a heavy breath, a groan slipping through, and he ruffled his own hair. He didn’t know what he was going to do, everything getting too stressful for him again, then he suddenly heard someone by the front door. He felt his heartrate spike as he jolted backwards, fearing that the phantoms have returned, and turned to see who it was to find Anti standing there.

Jack felt his eyes tear up, whether it was from his initial panic, relief, or whatever was going on with his thoughts, and he lowered his shoulders as he relaxed.

“Where were you?” He asked quietly, hating how weak he sounded, but that really was how he was feeling right now.

Anti frowned, taking a second to realize what happened before he raised his eyebrows and walked over to the brunet quickly.

“No, no, I’m here.” He frowned more, sitting by the brunet and rubbing his shoulder. “I had to talk to someone, but the guy is a pain in the ass to deal with.”

The being didn’t elaborate, though Jack had a feeling this guy was the person who would know how to deal with the phantoms that Anti had mentioned. They talked a little bit, not enough for the brunet to figure out exactly what was going on, but it made him feel a little better knowing that Anti was trying to help.

The being did tell him he had to go to sleep, though. He protested, not wanting to go back to his room as he started associating sleeping with the phantoms appearing, but the being would only argue back. Sleep was important.

They eventually did go to Jack’s room and the brunet did lay down in bed, but Anti started walking back to the door before Jack realized he wasn’t going to stay.

“You’re leaving?” He asked, sitting up with a worried expression.

“Jack.” He sighed, hand on the doorframe as he stood still. “You have to trust me, okay? Go to sleep.”

The brunet didn’t reply, he didn’t know what he was supposed to say, and watched as the being turned and left the room, leaving the door open though the footsteps signaled that the being had walked away. He lied back down, head on the pillow as he was back to staring at the ceiling as he tried to calm himself down enough to go to sleep. He had his phone charging next to his bed and he reached a hand out to unlock it as he looked for a song. He scrolled through a few videos and found one that wasn’t too long and had a nice picture so he clicked that. He listened to the opening melody, calm and quiet, and decided that would be alright as he set his phone face down and let it play. He closed his eyes, finding that his mind focused on the music and payed attention to that rather than letting his mind wander with dangerous thoughts. He had calm breaths and a still mind.

He felt himself doze off…

 

 

There were no words this time, only a heavy feeling that seemed to come from all around him, like sinking in the ocean, that woke the brunet up. He gasped as he lifted his head, blinking in the darkness to see two of those phantoms in his room once more.

“Ah hell-“ He frowned, not yelling this time but still frightened.

He was just about to shout for Anti, briefly thinking that he should keep a bat or something by his bed to defend himself, but was stopped when something else appeared in the room.

Was that Anti? No, this being was just as dark as the shadows, a bit taller with broader shoulders, and there was something about the being’s stance that was too sharp, too rigid compared to Anti’s carefree demeanor. The brunet scrambled over towards the wall, still sitting on the bed, and really regretted not having a bat nearby. He watched helplessly as the new being quickly made the nearest phantom disperse with a swift movement of a hand before grabbing the second phantom and somehow lifting it into the air. It was hard to follow, room too dark and movements too quick, but he noticed when Anti appeared next to him, hand on his knee, watching the scene unfold as well.

It was eerily quiet, no one making a sound, and Jack instinctually scooted closer to Anti. He was shaking, afraid of the new intruder, but when he glanced over at Anti, the being just looked more unamused than anything else.

Then the new intruder made some sound of acknowledgement, a low hum, then made a motion to throw the second phantom down as it disappeared. Jack blinked, really confused as to what the hell was going on, and tensed up when the unknown figure turned around to face the two of them on the bed. He reached over to turn on the small light by his bed, hoping that would clear things up, but it only served to make him even more lost. The light illuminated the room enough for him to see the unknown figure clearly; he was wearing a formal suit with a straight posture and a small frown on his lips, red eyes reflecting the light, and the brunet let out an indistinguishable sound as he was at a loss for words. He knew that face.

“Are ya done showing off now?” Anti scoffed, head moving in an exaggerated way as he rolled his eyes.

The other being blinked slowly, seemingly unfazed, and crossed his arms in front of himself.

“You were the one who asked for my assistance.” The being Jack recognized as none other than Dark replied.

“Cause ya owe me.” Anti huffed. “And I know you don’t want to be here and I don’t want you here so hurry up so you can leave and go put on more of your makeup.”

Once again, Dark didn’t seem the least bit affected by Anti’s comments and stepped over to stand by the bed, turning to look at Jack.

“You need to go to sleep.” He said plainly, expression unchanging.

“…what.” Jack said dumbly, because really, he was so lost with this whole situation.

“The type of phantoms you are facing are caused by subconscious thoughts. It is easiest to get to when you are asleep, therefore, you need to go to sleep.” Dark explained.

It was very odd that the other being didn’t move and hard to tell what he was thinking with such an expressionless look.

“I… I can’t just _go_ to sleep.” Jack stuttered, looking back at Anti for some type of help with this.

The green-haired being only frowned more and crossed his own arms with a grumble.

“Lay down.” Dark ordered once more and Jack almost wanted to throw his hands up in the air.

“What, I just-“

“Put your head on the pillow.” Dark cut him off, glare slightly more present, and Jack didn’t want to argue this time as he did what the other being said.

“I’m telling you, I can’t control when I sleep.” He tried to explain as he rested his head on the pillow, glancing over at Anti once more.

He didn’t move as he watched Dark grab Anti’s wrist, not sure what was going on, then the other being placed his other hand on the brunet’s forehead.

“I know.” He responded, and that was the last thing Jack heard before his mind suddenly went slack and darkness took over.

 

 

Jack shot his eyes open, sitting up frantically as he gasped. He was expecting to see his bedroom and instead saw nothing but a wide spread of black darkness. He looked down, afraid of where he was and didn’t see anything underneath him that would logically hold him up, but he wasn’t falling either. He almost jumped when he heard something from behind him and turned his head to see Dark and Anti walking towards him.

“Here we are.” Dark said calmly, hands behind his back as he walked past Jack and seemed to look out into the darkness beyond.

“Here…? Where is here?” Jack finally managed to say as he slowly stood up.

God, tonight had to be the weirdest night for him.

“Your subconscious.”

“Like… a dream?” Jack asked, puzzled.

“You could call it that.” The formal being hummed, looking around slowly.

“Wait, shouldn’t I wake up then?”

Dark turned to look from over his shoulder, waiting a moment.

“No.”

Jack waited for an explanation, he wanted an explanation, but the being just turned back around and continued looking onwards. He sighed, rubbing his temple, but felt a little better when he saw Anti walk up to stand next to him from the corner of his eye. He asked what was going on and the being frowned.

“Dark owes me a favor and this-“ The green-haired being waved his hands in the air, gesturing to the darkness. “-is like his thing. Shadows and mental manipulation or whatever. So now we have to find out what’s been causing problems.”

Jack was about to ask what they were supposed to be looking for, but there was a light coming from behind him and he turned around to see what he recognized as an old memory. Trees and green grass, flowers swaying in the wind, and a dog running through. He looked down to see shades of blue under his feet, looking almost like he was standing on water, and he looked in awe. Other memories would fade in and out, some more clear than others, and occasionally he would hear voices and sounds. A song would play once in a while, some just tunes without lyrics, and at first the brunet thought it was nice. He walked around a bit, watching everything floating around him like a colorful mist, but paused when he saw something with duller colors.

He stepped closer to it, hesitant and wary, and saw an image of what he recognized as himself sitting on the floor of his room, alone and head tucked down against his knees. There were voices, voices that made him gasp as they sounded dreadfully familiar, even though his mind didn’t tell him where they were from.

_You’re a bother. You only make mistakes. You keep messing up. They don’t care. You’re going to be alone. That’s all you’ll be. Alone._

Jack didn’t know what to do, his breath somehow gone as his legs couldn’t hold himself up anymore. He fell backwards, landing with a thud as he shut his eyes and tried to block out the voices. It kept repeating those thoughts, especially the word “alone”. He didn’t want to be alone, he didn’t want to be afraid of that. He didn’t want to lose anyone. But what if… what if that was going to happen to him? What if they left? What if he was all alone? What if he made a mistake that caused them to leave, what if they just didn’t like him anymore-

“Jack.” Anti’s voice cut through, sounding afraid, and the brunet didn’t realize he was crying as he opened his eyes and saw that the place has lost it’s color and was only focused on the voices.

He was shaking, afraid as the tears fell, and he could hardly focus on the being in front of him as the darkness seemed to trap him.

“Jack, it’s okay, it’s okay, calm down-… Jack-“ The being tried to say but the brunet shut his eyes once more, chocking back a sob.

The brunet almost felt like he was falling, mind blurring, ears ringing, breath faltering-

There was something on his lips. Something cupping his cheeks.

He opened his eyes, everything going still, and he saw Anti.

Anti kissed him. It was soft, no movement, but there.

He blinked away tears, surprise making everything go silent, and stayed still as the being moved back from his lips, hands still cupping his cheeks, and pressed their foreheads together.

“Jack.” The being murmured softly. “I will _always_ be here for you… I will never leave you…”

They didn’t move, neither of them saying anything else, and everything else was quiet too. Jack looked over Anti’s shoulders, seeing that fuzzy image of himself in his room, but the image was looking back at him, mirroring his look, and they both shared one of surprise. The image then seemed to relax, worry gone, and it faded away.

The last thing the brunet remembers is falling forwards slightly to hug the being, arms wrapped around his chest as a few silent tears continued to fall.

 

 

Jack woke up feeling arms around him, slowly taking a moment to realize he was in his room on his bed. His head was laying on Anti’s shoulder, tucked underneath the other’s chin, and he could tell the other was still asleep.

He felt warm. Safe. Drowsy with content as he briefly wondered if this is what a cat felt like when they purred, and he didn’t want to move. He wanted to sink into the feeling, in the other’s arms, breaths slow, scent calming.

He had to get up, as much as he didn’t want to, but he had to go to bathroom, seeing as sun streamed in from the blinds of the window. He tried to move carefully, not wanting to wake up the other, but as he started to move one of the being’s arms off of him, the being growled softly in his sleep and moved to pull him closer.

Was Anti being… protective of him? Anti wanted to protect him…

Jack felt a tear slide down his cheek. He remembered the dream he had, if he could call that a dream, and Anti’s words were repeated in his mind. No one has ever been protective of him; no one has ever cared about him like this. He’s never felt… wanted like this before.

He didn’t want to cry on the other, feeling more tears slide down his face, and he snuck a hand up to try to wipe his face. The movement finally caused the being to wake up and he hummed lowly as he opened his eyes. He noticed the brunet was crying and immediately tried to calm him down, hand brushing his cheek as he wiped away tears.

“What’s wrong?” The being asked in a soft voice, green eyes looking into blue.

“It’s you.” Jack replied, feeling Anti’s hand freeze on his cheek as the being thought he had done something wrong. “You care.”

The brunet hugged the other and buried his face back against the other’s chest once more, seeking the safety of the other’s arms. He felt as Anti moved his arms back around him, head resting against him like before, and his hand rubbed slowly against his back.

“I always will.”

Jack felt a hand move to run through his hair as the being continued to speak in a quiet voice.

“No matter what happens, I will be there for you. No matter how silly or small you think something is, it will never bother me.”

The brunet didn’t know how much he needed to hear those words until he did. And everything felt alright.

That morning, everything was calm. They talked a bit about the dream, Jack asking about Dark since he didn’t see the other being around, and Anti said he left pretty much right after they figured out what was causing the phantoms. And that was the last time they saw the phantoms as well. It was still slow, the brunet was still trying to get back to how everything was before this whole emotional mess, but they were getting there one step at a time. The worst of it was over. Anti was always there, learning how to tell when the brunet was thinking too hard, and would reassure him that everything was alright. One day he had gotten a hold of the other egos and surprised the brunet one morning when they were there. Jack smiled widely, hugging them all and telling them how nice it was to see them all again, face to face, and Henrik seemed to have a knowing smile when they greeted each other. They ended up staying over for the night, and though they had their rooms, they all decided to cram together on the living room floor, blankets and pillows spread out everywhere like a real sleepover.

Things were steadily getting better.

Then, about a week later, Jack found a stuffed animal sitting on his bed. It was a light colored bear, nothing standing out too much, but it was wearing a black shirt. The shirt was clearly not the right size, shoulder’s loose as the cloth looked more like a dress, but even so, it was still a shirt. It was night out, nearly time for bed, and he carefully picked up the bear and hugged it in his arms as he walked out to the living room by the front door. Anti was standing there, fiddling with his phone and looked up when he heard the brunet. The being had to leave tonight, saying something about the other egos having a problem, and made a face when he saw the bear.

Jack couldn’t help but smile when he realized Anti was acting almost embarrassed about it and brought the bear higher up in his arms so he could rest his chin atop it’s head.

“Anti.” He smiled, watching as the being stared intently at his phone. “Did you get this for me?”

The being frowned, staring at the phone that would’ve broke by now if staring had any force behind it, but reluctantly gave in with a sigh and put his phone down.

“Yes.” He replied simply, looking at the brunet as though this didn’t mean anything.

Jack smiled more, thinking about how he could tease him and call him a softie, but his mind had another thought.

“Where’s his pants?”

Anti seemed taken aback by that, not expecting that to be Jack’s response, and furrowed his eyebrows together.

“What? Why does he need pants?”

“Well why did he need a shirt then? If ya give him a shirt, then he needs pants too!”

Anti’s reactions made him look so lost, making the brunet finally break out into laughter as the being groaned.

“What about that one cartoon bear who only wears a shirt.”

“You mean Winnie the Pooh? How do you not know Winnie the Pooh?” Jack grinned, easily having a fun time with this.

Anti grumbled more and put his phone away in his pocket as he rubbed his face with both hands.

“Whatever, it doesn’t matter, I gotta go now anyway.” The being huffed.

Jack turned to the couch and set the bear down before walking back over to the green-haired being, smiling softly as he leaned forward to place a kiss against the being’s lips.

“Thank you.” He murmured, stepping back then to let him be on his way.

Anti only hummed an acknowledgement and turned his face to look away, but Jack was able to catch the faint blush on his cheeks. He mumbled something about returning as soon as he could before he glitched away, leaving Jack alone with the bear.

He picked up the stuffed animal, turning it in his arms to see it’s face as he shook it a little to see it’s fuzzy arms wave in the air. He walked back to his room, already in his pajamas as he climbed into bed and under the covers. He put the bear’s head on the pillow next to him, facing one another as he chuckled softly at it. It really was too adorable that Anti got him a stuffed animal of all things because he would be alone tonight. He started thinking about names, knowing he’d want to think of something so he could further tease Anti with it, and humored himself with the thought of naming the bear something like Winnie the Pooh purely for that reason. He wouldn’t, knowing he’d grow attached to the bear and would want it to have a nice name, so he decided to sleep for now and maybe an idea would come to him in the morning.

He pulled the bear closer to him, face pressed into the soft fur, until something caught his interest. He leaned back, opening his eyes to look at the bear once more, and finally realized why the shirt was too big. This was Anti’s shirt. It had Anti’s subtle yet familiar scent on it.

“I can’t believe you.” Jack murmured aloud, hand touching the soft fur of the bear’s cheek before hugging it closer to him once more.

God, he was already falling in love with this bear and he’s barely even had it.

Sleep came easy, his dreams filled with calm scenes, and he woke up feeling warm and rested. He would never take a good night’s sleep for granted ever again. He blinked his eyes open, seeing the gentle stream of light as always, and turned his head to see Anti laying on the bed next to him, on his side, still asleep. The brunet thought for a moment that maybe he could get up and make coffee for them this morning, but something else came to mind. He tried to hold back a laugh as he brought the stuffed animal up to the being’s face, noses almost touching, and reached a hand over to brush the being’s cheek. He murmured soft words, watching as Anti stirred awake and opened his eyes with a soft expression that almost immediately fell once he saw the bear in his face. Jack started laughing at that as the being lifted his head up to look past the bear at the brunet, face unamused which only caused the brunet to laugh more.

“You’re the one who got this.” Jack grinned, sitting up as he thought about making coffee again.

“And I’m beginning to regret it.” Anti frowned, getting up as well.

“No you aren’t.”

The being just grumbled, lie easily caught, and left the room before anything else could happen. Jack stood in place, listening to the coffee maker being turned on, and looked over at the bear sitting on the bed. Through everything that happened, Anti was there, he was always there, and he cared. The brunet closed his eyes and took a slow breath, smiling softly, and his mind told him that the being would always be there for him.

With one last look at the bear, he nodded and walked over to leave the room, looking forward to what the day would bring.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this <3
> 
> I write on a word document on my laptop and when I save I give my stories loose names at the time, not having thought of a title yet, and I thought it’d be cool to share that this series has the name “hug for yourself” This story is a form of giving myself a hug. I write this to make me feel better and post it to make you feel better.
> 
> Also, a lot of this story was either written at night or based on notes I wrote on my phone when I was lying in bed. I’d be trying to sleep, but an idea would appear and I’d type it on my phone. And heck yes I have a bear too! ~~I’d put a shirt on him if his hands weren’t stitched together.~~
> 
> My [tumblr](https://galaxykitty42.tumblr.com/)  
> Series title is a line from this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wznbcTad90) from Deltarune  
> Story’s title is a line from this [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qx7-5DpLBrc) \- I linked a softer cover version (that also didn’t cut the section that’s perfect for this story)  
>  _“When there's madness, when there's poison in your head_  
>  _When the sadness leaves you broken in your bed_  
>  _I will hold you in the depths of your despair_  
>  _And it's all in the name of love”_


End file.
